New APT, New Term & The Weight Of Hate

First term complete!

¼ of my time here in Korea is complete and I feel like I crushed it! I finished the extra classes with a stronger mindset. Plus, all the kids I taught from last term have been coming to see me during breaks. I love seeing their little faces and smiles, really takes to wind right out of my negative sails and I can start classes with a smile.

Now, we are 2 weeks into the next term, and I am still struggling with the material and feeling like I can teach it well. I did get a lot of new students and seeing how they slowly come out of their shell has put a smile on my face in a time where I was struggling. And I am getting a better understanding of the material and working hard to be able to teach these kids so they can learn from me well.

My Personal Growth,
One thing I have noticed about all this is that I am learning how I take on stress and handle it. I am using this time to pray and trust that God has my back.

When I think back to the first few weeks at this job, I remember they were filled with high stress and constant distrust of my abilities. On top of that, I was learning how to lean on God and trust he won’t let me fall. I felt like a newborn giraffe trying to walk for the first time.

This term, I have a deeper trust in God and leaning more on him. I trust that if I put in the effort he will make sure that I succeed. We are working as a team all the time and not when it gets too overwhelming. My teamwork is not perfect, but God is a patient and forgiving one, so I am able to keep trying and grow in my faith and my job.

There are days that I wish I wasn’t here and back in Florida. Back in my comfortable life, with my family and friends that I miss so much. Some days this feeling brings me to tears, but I know that the 5 months I have been here have changed me. I am learning how to be completely free and take care of myself. I still get support from home from my family and friends (all of you), but I am learning how to make sure I have food every day, time for God, and how to handle the challenges without having my safety net right under me.

This job is not easy, living in Korea is not easy and feeling confident as a teacher is not easy but…

God has my back and when I feel low, he comforts me and makes sure I have to ability to do this job well. I thank Him every day for his love, patience, and strength.

UPDATE,
You all know that I have moved out of my temporary housing and into my permanent apartment while I am here. I haven’t shown photos or updates, but I am ready to share this space with you all! Here are some photos on my place! :)

Here is how it looked when I moved in, plus a yellow birthday gift from a new friend.

Now with the Sammy touch… moved the couch to the long wall and the tv in the opposite corner to allow a more open concept. Plus added some pink flowers and pillows and a soft pink and tan jigsaw carpet to match the soft colors of the walls. It feels a little more like my place.

Now, for the strong message,
I have been feeling heavy from the news from back home. Hearing about all the hate driven murders and remembering a time where our nation and every American was attacked. Being in another country has not shielded me from the sorrow that comes with watching what is going on and remembering all the heroes and the lives lost over hate on that September day in 2001.

Having a young woman, Iryna Zarutska, who immigrated to America to find safety from a war, just to be stabbed by a man on the subway. A hateful choice made by taking her life with no regard to her as a human being, another life living in this world.

Then we have Charlie Kirk, a warrior of God, loving husband and father of two, taken way too soon by a person who didn’t agree with his opinions. Yes, he spoke about his political views and his love for God with passion. Yes not everyone agreed on his viewpoint, but does that mean he should die? Charlie encouraged debate with young adults and gave them an outlet to voice their opposing views and respectfully debated the topics. For someone to use deadly violence instead of their voice, which is what Kirk was allowing all youths to do with him, breaks my heart.

Resorting to evil actions instead of speaking your mind shows a weakness that is hard to explain.

I hope both these lives find peace in God’s arms. I don’t know if Iryna believed in God, but I know Charlie did and he has already hugged Jesus and starting his eternal live with Him.

 I struggled this week; I cried a lot and raised questions about how people have drifted this far from humanity. How can a small group of people be so desensitized to lives being taken for no real reason other than evil and hate? How could the country be this divided? How can there be people celebrating assassinations and not being able to put their own pride, political views, and opinions down for a moment? Just one moment to realize that 2 people are dead, 2 people fueled by hate ended their free lives on earth, and many more are mourning for them.

Even from Korea I can feel the weight of these deaths and the many deaths in the past. I can feel the red glow of hate that is growing slowly in America.

I may be feeling low, but God has a plan, even if that plan means losing one of his finest soldiers. Jesus is no stranger to sacrifice. The world must reach a breaking point, a point where people have nowhere else to look other than to Jesus, to run into His safety. Hate and evil will be on this earth until Jesus comes and frees His children.

If you have read to this point, I encourage you to keep going!

 To ask yourself if you have set yourself up for eternal life or not.

Jesus loves you as you are and is waiting for you to talk to him, love him and accept him into your heart. You may not feel like you are worthy, but you are. You may not understand who or what Jesus is, but he knows you and is calling to you right now!

If you don’t understand, ask people who know Jesus, go to a church or watch online (I suggest if you go or watch, do it through Grace Orlando. You can stream their services, past and present, on YouTube. The pastor looks like a Viking!), read God’s word, and look up any questions online or talk to a Christian.

If you don’t believe in Jesus, what do you have to lose? You can stay in the dark, the hurt, anxiety, depression, insecurities, grief, or any other things you are struggling with. But what if God is real, heaven and hell are real? If you get to the end of your life on this earth and realize that you were wrong and you ignored all the warnings and signs, your regret would be huge.

I am saying this because if one of us dies and I could have done more to bring my friends and family with me to heaven and I did nothing, my regret would be huge.

Why not take a chance? Why not ask questions, learn, and try to open your heart and understand the biggest sacrifice made for YOU.

Jesus died for you; he went through torture and embarrassment. He willingly let himself be taken and killed. Betrayed by a close friend, dragged naked and beaten and nailed to a cross. Slowly dying, slowly being murdered by hate. The only thing he said was, “Forgive them Father, for they do not know what they do.”

Jesus chose to die and be hated to the point of being killed. What did he say to those who spewed hate? “Forgive them.” He didn’t get angry, he didn’t spew hate back, he just took all of it into his death and asked they all be given forgiveness.

He did this for everyone. So that we can openly walk into his love and be forgiven of our sins present and past. If you read this all the way through, God is calling to you. LISTEN, don’t let this moment pass you. You are loved and wanted by God.

HE IS WATING FOR YOU!

I want to see all your in heaven; in the new world God will create when he comes. Choose eternal life over worldly desires. Choose love over hate.

First steps are hard, so here is a tip. Take a moment of silence and tell yourself earnestly to open your heart. Then ask God, you can use any of His names; Jesus, God or Lord, to reveal himself to you and help you to learn more about Him. You can pray it out loud or in your head, God can hear you either way. Then download the bible app on your phone and get to reading! you can add me as a friend.

I am praying he fills you with his love and warmth so you can not deny this call and His love for YOU.

 For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved

Romans 10:13

I pray this for you and you find peace the Lord <3

사랑을 담아,

Samantha