Between the Pressure and the Party: Finding Joy in Chaos
“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is GOd’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
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Hey guys! I’m still alive!
Sorry it has been so long since my last post, but I’m not going to lie and say it has been easy lately. When the kids go on their summer break, we start an SIS program where new classes are added in the morning. Some classes are a full 3 hours, and others can be shorter, but on the days you have these classes, you are at school ALL DAY. You only get an hour and 30 minutes between your summer classes and your regular classes. The schedule alone is hard enough, but for some of the classes there is no material given; you have to come up with it.
For new teachers, like myself, it was really hard and stressful to navigate this when I had no idea what to do or how to even teach a class like that. And all I was told was you won't really know until you do the first day and that all the teachers had to start doing the intensives this way. I was so confused and stressed. I was worried that if I didn’t do it right then, I would get in trouble, and I was worried I was not going to be able to teach my new students well. It was a lot of pressure.
For the most part I kept it together… on the outside, but on the inside my head was swirling with worry and doubt in myself. It was hard to pull out of it. I prayed, and I read my Bible. I spent time with God, and that helped a lot. It didn’t completely stop the worries, and I found myself walking to work and shedding tears. I felt like I was lost in the sea and there was no land in sight. I wanted to trust God and not worry, but my flesh was built on the worry. The first day of these classes came, and when I tell you I could have been a paid actor, I am not kidding! On the outside I was calmly going through the lesson, but every word that left my mouth was making me more and more tense. On the inside, my brain was screaming doubts that whole time.
After my first class was done, I was drained, even my reserves. Being tense for 3 hours and fighting to look confident when I was feeling completely insecure was like lightning striking a power box—immediate blackouts. As time has gone on and I have now finished my 3rd meeting with that class, I am feeling much better about it, but I still have no clue what I am doing. But that is the job, and I know with hard work and God, there is nothing I can’t do!
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Now onto something more uplifting! I am offically settled into my new place!
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“29”
- New Girl
Yesterday was my birthday! I kept it really low-key, and I didn’t tell anyone other than the group of teachers I came into the school with. I didn’t want something big, and I didn’t want anyone making a huge deal at the school. Right now it is hard for me to want to bring that kind of thing into a place that keeps me always on guard. But nonetheless, my friends here made sure I had the BEST birthday.
We did have to work in the morning, but at 7 pm, we headed downtown for some surprises! I had no clue what they planned or how much fun I would have, but I trusted them and was happy to follow the lead. Before we went downtown, Trent came over to hang out, and he ended up being game to move some furniture around so I could actually see what I was imagining in my head would look like. Trent was the first to give me 2 presents; one was a butter plushy, just a huge yellow square with a cute face, and he helped me rearrange my living room. I was so grateful, and I LOVED the plushy!
Then when we got downtown, Rouen took the lead to our first location, a bowling alley. The music was pumping, the lights were strobing, and the vibes were good. We enjoyed a round of bowling before we decided we needed some real food! Then we used a recommendation from one of my HIs, and the place was great! We got there with enough time to fill out bellies before they closed, and we headed off for a nightcap and some dessert to end the perfect night with friends. We had 2 stops left; we hopped into a photo booth and made some keepsakes, and then we went to a quiet coffee shop, and they sang Happy Birthday, quietly, and we ate some sweets.
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“The pain of parting is nothing to the joy of meeting again.”
-Charles Dickens
Then it was time for our least favorite part, when we have to go our separate ways and get back to reality. We hugged Jayde goodbye and sent her home in a taxi. All four of us hopped into a taxi and went home as well.
It was a great night, and I can't express how lucky I am that I have found these friends! People I can turn to when I need help, support, fun, and anything else. My birthday this year is one for the books; it might not have been a crazy and wild night, but it isn’t the activities I do, it is the people I do it with, and last night, I was with my people. I'll never forget my first birthday outside of the country!
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”Good friends is like a safe harbor in the storms of life.”
-Unknown
Shout out to the poeple I would have never met if it were for 21 hours of travel and an adventure of a life time.
Thank you for being you!
A special thanks to Roeun, Jayde, Alan, and Trenton; I can’t imagine my time here without you all! <3
사랑을 담아,
Samantha
