The Sands of Time
May 3, 2025
안녕하세요! (Hello!)
I cannot believe that it is already MAY!
I sent in my Visa application last week and as of May 2 they have granted me permission! I am hoping to be able to book my one way ticket to Daegu, South Korea. I was getting a little worried since it is down to the wire but there are boxes that have to be checked before I can progress. At this point I am just waiting for the physical copy and my departure date!
During this process I have had to deal with things I am unfamiliar with, like applying for my Visa or figuring out a time zone further than Texas, and to figure out what to do next. My recruiters for both Aclipse and Creverse have been helpful in answering questions and giving me easy to understand instructions. It has been a long process but much easier than I thought it would be.
Now that the sand is running out on my time here, I am starting to realize how real this situation is. I knew fully what I was jumping into but the reality of leaving my family, friends, and hometown and having to start fresh in a country I have never been to that speaks a language I only know 1% of (and that is generous), is making me feel some type of way. I have my fair share of worries but even though I have pockets of fear, I know this was the right move and compared to changes I have faced in the past, I have a sense of calm when I face this one.
That is not to say I will miss all my family and friends dearly! I will probably cry too many times to count!
I have tried to think up what my life will be like there, what my job will be like, who I will meet, grocery shopping, learning the language and culture, etc.. I have come to realize that none of that matters. I have no clue what it will be like and running these scenarios will only make me more anxious and fearful.
On the topic of fear and anxieties, I have had moments where my fear and anxieties overflow and my mind shift into hype drive. When this happens, my body gets numb, and my mind is constantly throwing all the worst scenarios at me and questioning how I will manage situations I will face when there.
To boil it down, in a moment of weakness all I can think about are all the possibilities and find it hard to come up with solutions that calm me down..
When I try to work through it on my own and tell myself that it will be okay and I can manage it, that didn’t stop the fear. It is hard for me to pull out of the narrowing vision and see the big picture and it can sometimes last for days.
But in contrast to how I managed my problems in the past, I find myself thinking about God and being able to turn to him to help me through and to leave my fear and anxieties.
Through this process I have learned that it looks like to trust God’s plan even when I am scared. I have also seen how He opens doors I never knew existed. He has truly shown up for me and I am so appreciative He did. I find myself thinking about the journey to get here and all the trials I have been on to prepare me for this trip!
Growing up my family and I engaged in church, and I grew up learning about the bible and accepting Jesus as my Lord and Savior. When I think back to that time I was constantly surrounded by people who love God and want to learn more. It is a great environment to keep me on the right track.
Then when I hit high school, I started to play volleyball and my commitments there took me away from the church. To be honest, I let it. I can remember a time when I enjoyed something as much as I did with volleyball and it slowly took over my daily life. I was always busy with practice and tournaments, and I never made time for God.
I got into the headspace of “no matter what comes my way, I can manage it, or my mom will…” There was no trusting that God will provide or that he is with me. There were just me and the people around me and these people were also not putting God first. God never leaves us so he was always walking along side and looking back I can see those times where he protected and guided me, but I never looked in His direction.
I never understood what laying my yoke at God’s feet meant or what it looked like to fully trust God’s plan. It was all in my brain, the knowledge from growing up in church but it wasn’t in my heart.
Time moved forward, I dove into volleyball and made a college team, met new people, experienced new things, lost friends, and all the while slowly distancing myself from God. After a reality punch to the gut, I realized something, nothing is permanent and in a moment things can change. For the better or the worse.
I left college and swore off the only thing I have ever loved to do, volleyball. I was deep in my feelings and unable to pull myself out. But life just keeps on moving. Luckily I had friends to distract me. I went back to work at Taurus, I took classes at Seminole State, and I hung out with my friends. The simplicity was exactly what I needed, or so I thought.
Fast forward and my aunt come to me with a proposition…
At the school my cousin was attending, she was getting into volleyball, and my aunt was coaching the elementary team. My aunt played volleyball growing up, but the rules have changed since then and she needed someone with the knowledge and fresh skills to help coach. She reached out to me. I never imagined I would become a volleyball coach, especially when my love for the sport was squashed.
Without a thought, I said NO. I was in no mood to touch a volleyball let alone coach it. You know the saying “if you can’t play you coach.”
After being convinced by my mom, I accepted. And this was the start of a new chapter and a time of growth. One that I will always be thankful for.
While coaching at this Christian school, I was once again surrounded by God’s presence and people who love Him. It was the first time in a long time that I was in an environment like that. The kids slowly softened my heart and cleared the dark clouds. I found my love for volleyball again and my love for God again. My aunt and cousin started taking me to their church and I was starting to come out of my shell little by little. My friend and I started working out with a trainer, school and work were going well, and that same friend found a volleyball group that met once a week, so I got to play the sport I love. I was content with my simple life once again.
I started to grow and mature, the fun side I had been holding in started to come out and I wanted to explore and experience new things. But the friends I had were not really on the same page. The relationship turned sour… This was the first time a friendship was broken and not just slowly drifting apart. I was deviated and I didn’t have anyone to turn to.
So, I started therapy. It has helped me SO much in the last years and is a big factor of why I am ready to start fresh in Daegu.
Nonetheless, life just keeps moving and when it does it will not wait for you to grieve or to catch up. When I looked up, the only thing that was the same was coaching volleyball. I had no friends, no trainer and no volleyball. I will admit it was a codependent friendship, and we had too much of our lives intertwined.
I had nothing left, it felt like I was on an island all alone and I could only see the horizon. What should I do? Where do I go from here? Obviously what I was doing was not working. Therapy helped but it wasn’t enough and there was still something missing. SOOOOO I did the only thing I knew to do.
I turned to God. For the first time I picked up a bible and I read God’s word straight from the source. I knew about the bible but youth groups, Sunday school and church were all led by someone and interpreted by them. I never put in the extra work. But once I started reading, I was learning exactly what it means when we call the bible the living word. I learned about new stories and learned new things about ones I thought I already knew. I was loving my one on one time with God.
Life keeps on moving and I was feeling better about that. I was growing spiritually and mentally.
But I’ll skip ahead…
Heading into 2024, I felt like something was missing, my life was not filling me like I wanted but I was too comfortable to change that. For the first time I could hear God asking me to do something. He was calling me to enter 2024 alone. Purge the friendships and start going to my church alone.
I HATE change (hmm sounds different from who I am now…) I was comfortable with the friends I had and the one on one time I had with God. Why does that need to change?
Even though I didn’t fully understand, I listened. I made all the changes God called for and I went into the new year alone.
At the end of January, I got plugged into a bible study with people my age. I enjoyed meeting new people and growing in my faith. I met new friends, one in particular that felt like the friend I was praying for.
When I got to know her, it reminded me of the scene in Mary Poppins (THE ORIGINAL) where Mary is reading the letter the kids wrote explaining their requirements for a nanny. God knew me better than I knew myself.
She wasn’t only a good friend, but she was also the nexus that started the journey I am on now.
Well long story short, the decision to move to Korea and teach English has always been something I walked through with God. I can confidently say that I trust God.
That trust I have in Him is what keeps me calm and is the only way I can pull out of my spiral of fear and anxiety. When I am feeling overwhelmed I turn to God, and I lay down all my worries at his feet. Trusting that no matter what I face while diving into the unknown, God will have my back and the two of us can solve any problem and overcome any situation.
“For God alone my soul waits in silence: from Him comes my salvation. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress: I shall not be greatly shaken.”
Psalm 62: 1-2
“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 41:10
Writing this blog will be a challenge for me. Having to put into words what I will be going through will be a challenge. One that I will be taking even though sometimes I feel silly writing about these things. Will anyone care? Why talk about that? In no way am I a writer but I hope I can improve as I go, and you all enjoy reading about my adventures!
Thanks for the support!
사랑을 담아,
Samantha
